Peer Sharing...

*Nisha has not publish her research paper, therefore I decided to pick the first draft she published.*

Polar Bears and the Harsh Environment
By Nisha Hereast

1. I’d like to place my concern on one of my favorite animals, the Polar Bear.

I think this is the main topic of your research paper. However, I think you need to narrow it down and decide about how polar bears are been affect by global warming.

2. These bears are very skilled swimmers. They have been seen in open arctic waters as far as 60 miles from shore. Due to the increasing amounts of water since so much ice has melted, the polar bears have been forced to swim longer distances at a time. These usually results in the bears drowning trying to reach land.

This paragraph is very interesting because it has a description of how polar bears are been affected by global warming. It is really sad to see how these animals are paying for our mistakes. However, I just think that you need to describe it more and tried doing it in your own words.

3. Honestly, the whole paper is not very engaging. I think this because the paper only has the information that you found, but needs to be explain. You need to develop more the ideas that you got and you paper will become very interesting.

4. Yes, Nisha has the name of the places where she got her information.

5. So far, no fictional human interest story.

6. Well, the whole paper looks to be copy directly from the sources. Therefore, the only thing I recommend is to explain them in your own words. Perhaps, try doing it section by section like Professor Gallardo had outline. You should start doing this very soon because you will have a lot of work to do.



Chacaltaya Research Paper
By, Jamie Quintana

1. “The natives of Bolivia, specifically the surrounding city of La Paz will lose a vital source of water.”

-I think this is your thesis for the research paper. However, I was a little confused of what you were focusing. You started by explaining the glacier, then you moved on to talk about the natives of Bolivia. I think you need to connect them a little bit more.

2. “Fortunately, the life and color of La Paz is found in its people and culture, not in its landscape. However, just outside of La Paz there is a great range of Andean mountains. In the midst of those Andean mountains you will find Chacaltaya.”

-These two sentences captured my attention because it has details and a description of the environment. For an instance, I got an image of how natives of Bolivia look and the place where they live. Perhaps the words that you used to describe this scene helped a lot.


3. “Chacaltaya, as mentioned above, is the highest tropical glacier in the world. It stands close to 18,000 feet into the clouds (Herald Tribune 07). At the peak of Chacaltaya there was once a thriving ski resort. Although ski resorts in Chile and Argentina were bigger and more luxurious, die hard skiers flocked to Chacaltaya because of its altitude and because the best skiing at Chacaltaya was from January through March, instead of July to September like the resorts in Chile and Argentina. The ski resort was founded in the late 1930s and can only reached by a dirt road winding through the city of La Paz. There was once a lift, but now if you want to reach the peak of the mountain, you will have to hike for 30 minutes to reach the highest point. Unfortunately, if you ever get the opportunity to reach the top of Chacaltaya today, you will find that there is very little ice to ski on. Indeed, the ski resort was great for skiers from around the world to visit and enjoy, but the Chacaltaya glacier has or had a more important aspect to it (CNN 08).”

-When I read this paragraph I did not understand what you were talking about. Maybe it was because you got to detail with the ski resort. I think you should give a brief description of the ski resort and focus more on the glacier.


4. Yes, Jamie uses different quotes of the professional people that are trying to solve this problem. However, I do think that you should explain more the quotes and connect them to your topic.

5. Yes, his paper has fictional interview of a native Bolivian. However, I am not sure if you copy directly from the newspaper El Diario or if you created. Anyways, the interview demonstrates a lot of the problems that the natives are facing by the melting of the glacier. Some of the answers are graphic and detail. In addition, it shows that some native are planning solutions for this problem.


6. I just think that you need to overlook your paper for some minor mistakes. I do recommend that you should get more detail in each paragraph. In addition, I think you should try to organize your paragraphs. For instance, there are some paragraphs were you are describing the geography of Bolivia, then you jump to talk about the skit resort, then you go back talking about the natives and the environment. Otherwise you paper is really interesting and I think it will be great.



The Guarani: Suffering at the Hands of Change
By :Jocelyn Perez

1. "The Guarani tribes continue to suffer at the hands of change as they have for generations, due to the economic shift to cattle raising and interest in lumber.”

Your topic captured my attention because the name of the tribe you are talking about is similar to mine or I am not sure if it’s the same; maybe written in a different way. The tribe that I picked for my fictional story is the Huaorani tribe. Anyways, I picked this sentence because it’s a description of what the whole paper is talking about.

2. “When it comes to sustaining themselves, the tribes take to hunting, fishing, gathering and horticulture. They only take what is needed; each family only plants enough to feed themselves. Although the practice is often scrutinized by agriculturalists, the Guarani have long used the slash and burn techniques to replenish the much needed nutrients in the soil. They use a plot of land for raising crops for a period of three to four years, then set ablaze the vegetation and abandon it, until the alternate plot is past use. This gives the forest time to naturally rebalance itself, and return its soils to a fertile state. The Guarani share a symbiotic relationship with their surroundings. They would do so for hundreds of years, before “others” came to claim the partner they had for so long sought to protect. (Reed; “Indians”)”

-I really like this paragraph because it shows the connection that Guarani have with the environment. In addition, it has a lot of information of how Guarani indigenous use the land to sustain their selves and treat it with respect.

3. The first to encounter the Guarani, were a slew of Spanish explorers, the famed conquistadores, who came to South America in the early sixteenth century. They came in search of fertile farmland, and rubber, which was in high demand. Nevertheless, when confronted by the indigenous group, they saw ample opportunity to get involved in the slave trade. The people were hunted down and entire families were sold. It would take almost half a century for some form of help to arrive. Jesuit missions made the journey in search of new followers, and when they learned of the atrocities being done to the slaves, they offered the Guarani conversion as a form of escape. Thousands of Guarani flocked to the missions; they learned the Catholic prayers, but continued their ways in secret. Finally, in the beginning of the eighteenth century several European countries waged war in the region wanted to stake their claim on the areas now known as Paraguay, Uruguay, and Argentina. Many Guarani stayed to fight and die, alongside their priests, while others saw their chance and fled back into the forest. Many tribes reverted to the old way of life; those who had difficulty doing so chose to take the occasional job as a gardener or maintenance worker for a village farmer. But deep in the forest they stayed, looking expectantly into a bright future, and waiting. (“Guarani”, Wikipedia; “Indians”)

I picked this paragraph for this questions because is one of the less interesting paragraphs of your paper. Even though I think all your paragraphs are very interesting and graphic. In addition, I picked this paragraph because I was told in other classes that we cannot use Wikipedia as a source, but as a way of beginning the research paper. I

4. Yes, Jocelyn has the name of the places she got her information at the end of the paragraphs.

5. She does not have a fictional human interest story so far.

6. I do not think she needs help with the grammar. But it is not a bad idea to double check for minor mistakes.